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How to love an introvert 

You walk into a room and find your partner sitting on the couch by herself having a cup of tea in complete silence. For the extrovert this picture spells loneliness but for those of a more introversive nature…. that is FREEDOM.

Introverts and extroverts are often viewed in terms of two extreme opposites, but the truth is that most people lie somewhere in the middle.   This is probably because the average person reacts differently based on situations and is able to “adapt” their personality accordingly given the right circumstances, however, each person is either predominantly introvert or extrovert.

Opposites attract

Ever wonder why most of us find ourselves attracted to people unlike us?  If you’re an extrovert chances are you’re married to, dating or close friends with an introvert. And as much as opposites are naturally drawn to one another; loving and happily living together may not come as naturally. It takes work to build a successful relationship when your personalities are worlds apart.  I am an introvert, married to an extrovert. When he says braai, I say movie. But as much as our differences drive each other crazy, the balance he brings to my life keeps me sane.

The Biggest Myth…

The #1 myth of being an introvert is that we don’t like to talk.  Not true at all.  We genuinely enjoy conversation.  But we will however, refrain from voicing an opinion until we know exactly how we feel about and/or have enough knowledge or understanding regarding the topic being discussed.  Until then, we’re happy to simply listen and gather facts.

Don’t assume

Sadly, our silent nature in a social gathering is often misinterpreted as boredom, shyness, depression or some have the idea that you’re stuck up.  I’ve recently come across a few of the latter.  Random strangers whom I’ve only just met (meaning I had my first ever conversation with) saying “I actually thought you were stuck up”. Did I mention that I had just met them? Lol.  It puzzles me how the human mind finds it easy to fill in the blanks about people, their actions, intentions and the worst of all: their motives.  This “misunderstanding” is where many arguments and strive is born. Assumption often leads to misinterpretation and possibly offense.

The Beauty of Silence

Privacy is our comfort and spending some alone time is priceless.  This is when ideas are formed, creativity thrives, thoughts are put into perspective and everything comes together.  In that moment of silence in the midst of the busyness and chaos, is where life starts making sense again.  Sometimes we actually have full blown discussions in our minds jumping to and from topics that if we had to verbalize them at that point you’ll think we’re insane. I’ve tried verbalizing my thoughts while in this space a few times but I end up starting a sentence not realizing that I’ve completed it only in my head lol.  It drives my husband insane because while he’s waiting for “the rest of it” I’m already on “the next part of it” thinking: please keep up!  At this point, just gently slow him/her down and tell them where you got “lost”.

Don’t force it

Don’t put too much pressure on an introvert to share their opinion in a social setting.  You may cause them to withdraw or feel embarrassed as they gasp for words in an effort to make sense.  We make perfect sense to ourselves, in our minds, but we need time to gather our thoughts and bring it across in a manner that makes sense to everyone else.  So the best way to break us out of our shells is to let it happen naturally.  This takes time.  When it does, who knows, we may just end up taking over the conversation.

Want us to open up?

Then listen more and interrupt less.  Often times the reason “quiet people” don’t share more in a group is because they’re bound to be interrupted by an extrovert who feels that we’re not getting to the point fast enough.  Be patient, let them finish.  Trust me: 80% of the time you try to complete his/her sentence, you thought wrong.  If you want an introvert to continuously engage in conversation, then don’t interrupt his/her train of thought while doing so.

Say what?  A speech?

Never, under any circumstance, put an introvert on the spot by calling us to the stage to address a crowd with no prior notice and agreement. No, No, No!  There’s a big chance that it will be a disaster. Being the centre of attention can be daunting so we need a heads up please.  We can be great public speakers however we need to be given a reasonable amount of time to prepare.

A Friend for Life

Quiet, alone time is vital to our well-being but that doesn’t mean we don’t like people. An introvert only has a small circle of close friends and we truly treasure each relationship.  It’s more important to us to build lasting, meaningful relationships with a few people rather than hanging out with large groups all the time. In fact, walking into a party venue filled with 100 strangers can be quite overwhelming so as a friend or partner, please try and stay close for most of the evening.

Lastly…

Introverts are extremely loyal to the people we care about and expect the same in return.  Keeping secrets are quite easy because we tend to think before we speak (most of the time).  Going the extra mile is no train smash, whether you deserve it or not so no need to get suspicious when we’re being “nice” 🙂  We rarely talk about our problems, because it makes no sense to us logically to do so.  Also, because we’re private. We are in no rush to tell you how we’re feeling and we want you to be okay with it.  In fact, your introvert friend or spouse could be going through the biggest hardship he/she has ever faced and you won’t suspect a thing until one day, they have a reason to talk about it.  Be patient.  If you want to do something nice for your friend who’s currently in a bad space: grab her favourite snack and a movie, board game or whatever and go over there.  Unless she’s phsyco, you really don’t have to avoid her lol.  He/she will open up when they’re ready.  Just being there is enough and appreciated more than you realize.

The thing about introverts is that once they’re comfortable with you they can be the funniest, most enjoyable people to be around.  It’s like a secret they feel comfortable sharing with you except the secret is their personality. ~ unknown ~

Dont give up on someone just because they view and react to things differently. It is your differences that brings passion to your relationship, compliments the person you are and makes you a perfect match. Trying to change your partner will change the very reason you’re together in the first place.

May your love conquer all

Nadine

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5 Trends this Spring

Hey ladies

Its happening!  We’re closing the door on winter and saying helloooo Spring!  And what would a change in season be without indulging in a few new wardrobe items to spice things up a little.  Here are 5 hot trends worth exploring this season:

  1. Embroidery – a personal favourite which adds class and elegance to the most simplistic look.  You will find it denims, tulle, polyester and even leather.
  2. Satins – PJs? Think again!  Satins are the new daytime trend used in kimonos, wrap dresses, pants, bombers and my personal fave the stylish satin blazer.  Its comfortable and on trend this season.288626_P_1502701189128.jpg

3. Florals – what would a spring wardrobe be without at least one striking floral piece to pair with a bold lipstick and stylish court shoe or barely there sandal.

4.  Bohemian – Yes you heard right!  Bohemian is back and there’s no reason not to indulge in this funky, Coachella inspired trend.  Go for it!

5.  Stripes – last but certainly not least stripes have been flooding the runway with anything from casual to cocktail wear.

Fashion is what you buy, style is what you do with it.

Happy Spring!  May you experience joy this season and may the beauty of spring fill your heart in overflow as you simply do you!

Love

Nadine

Hope after Heartbreak

Everyone wants to be happy, successful, the person others look up to and someone who has it all together.  But when disaster strikes, this very vision for our lives is crushed, or at least we think it is.

The truth is: Nothing you face in life is big enough to destroy you. Nothing. 

When disaster strikes, the feeling of defeat often feels like an overwhelming rush of uncontrollable hopelessness.  Our heart shattered into pieces.  I’ve had quite a few of these.  Lost a loved one, a failed business venture, disappointed in a relationship etc.  It feels as though your life has come to an end and rebuilding seems an impossible illusion.  Like a vision becoming a fantasy.  In this moment, fear and anger creeps in and depending on your temperament style you will either explode with irrational rage or silently withdraw into a deep depression.  These are all natural human responses to unbearable circumstance.  Should you give in? Certainly not!  There’s always hope after heartbreak.

Take a moment

When you find yourself in a difficult situation, take a moment!  The worst decisions are made in a moment of anger.  I can guarantee 99% of decisions you make, you will regret.  Emotions are temporary, decisions are permanent.  This is why you owe it to yourself to not act until you’ve taken a moment or 2 to calm down, pull yourself together until you have a clear holistic view of your situation.  It won’t be easy but ask God for a spirit of self-control.  Cry, scream, smash something in private if you have to release anger – but don’t find a permanent solution until you’ve dealt with your anger.  In the case of losing a loved one, allow yourself a moment to grieve.

Forgive

The hardest part of heartbreak is forgiveness.  Without this step, there is no way forward.  This is often where many people get stuck.  Forgiving oneself and others involved is the most vital part.  It’s the medicine to your disease, the scar tissue that mends the wound and yes, the scar will not magically disappear but it will be a reminder of how far you’ve come and a testimony to others that they too can be healed.

Be real

Be real about what caused you to fail and don’t deny your part in it.  Identifying and knowing your weaknesses is important step to achieving your goals.  Instead of “why is this happening to me” rather ask “how can I move forward” which brings me to the next step…

Look ahead

Failure is a stepping stone to success.  As cliché as it may sound, it’s true.  You may not see it now but soon you will find a way to smile, laugh and have fun again. Perhaps even laugh about the very thing that made you cry.  But some challenges are vital steps to the next chapter of our lives, the next level of growth and one step closer to our destiny.  The same way we cannot go from Grade 1 straight to high school, there are intermediate levels with lessons to prepare us.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  As horrible as it may be, failure is necessary.  There is no great success story without a few failed attempts.  Your life is not over.  Make time in your mind to relive the happiest moments of your life, the blessings whether big or small and let those thoughts be the last to occupy your mind before going to bed at night.  Today is just the beginning.  The next steps you take, is the ones that matter.

Take care, and may the next chapter of your life but the most amazing testimony of all.

Love

Nadine

Going Green on Life

The past year has not been easy.  I’ve been challenged professionally, financially and the most difficult of all – in relationships.  I’ve heard the saying before but only now realize it to be true:  Our hardest tests are in the areas of our lives that matter the most.

As a programmer, I spend long hours “communicating” with a machine, speaking in code, teaching it to think and make decisions based on human input.  Yes for about 40 hours a week, I’m a geek LOL.  In programming, there’s a concept called garbage collection. The garbage collector attempts to reclaim “garbage” (memory occupied by objects that are no longer in use by the program). Without gc a program could eventually exhaust all computer memory causing a program to crash.

Why am I saying all this?

Life can often get so busy. Exhausting actually. So much to do, so little time.  How much of what occupies our mind (thoughts) and time actually adds value to your life?  There’s a profound quote that says: “Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds. You can either plant flowers or weeds.”  There’s no better thief of ones joy than to fill our minds with worry, stress, fear and negativity.

It may be time to do some garbage collection 🙂

Go green on your life!

Love,

Nadine

Get the look:  Choker top and ripped jeans, Zara. Shoes, Kitibella.

Baby, it’s cold outside!

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So many of us are dreading the cold, pinning for warmer days as do I.  However if we only take a moment we’ll realize that there’s so much to love about this season.  The smell of rich stews and soups to that delicious cup of hot chocolate we unapologetically enjoy during a lazy movie night under a warm blanket. And then there’s those fashion pieces we only get to style for about 3 months in a year. Warm knits, long boots, furry statement coats and scarves.  One can’t help but notice the silver lining.  As in life, although its easy to focus on the negatives let’s take a moment and embrace the good in life, those little blessings that we can be thankful for and before you know it – there comes Spring!

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Get the look:

Dress – Ergo Zen

Shoes – Kitibella

Bag – The Space Baywest – by Amanda Laird Cherry

Stay stylish, stay positive!

Love, N

Harem Love

Hey everyone!

Firstly, my humblest apologies for the silence.  So much has been happening over the past few weeks which I will be sharing all about in due time, starting with my recent involvement with Ergo Zen (EZ).

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Exciting News

I first came across EZ during the Mandela Bay Fashion Week 2016 and fell in love with the soft, quality fabric and unique designs.  EZ was 1 of the 2 winners of the MBFW 2016.  I met Nozuko Ngcizela, EZ’s talented designer/owner a few weeks after the fashion show and shortly thereafter became the official ambassador for her A/W 2017 collection!  The range is currently available at The Space, Baywest Mall and can be purchased on their website http://www.ergozen.space

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About Ergo Zen

Ergo Zen was created out of a passion for soft blended cotton fabric,  the gentle feel and comfort provided to the skin when covered by the fabric and the moisture wicking properties found in the synthetic material used to produce it.  The synthetic material has a peculiar ability to draw moisture away from the skin to the exterior of the clothing where it can be absorbed more easily.

The word “Ergo” means consequently and is also a combining form meaning “work”.  The use of the word “Zen” is within line of promoting an increasingly meditative culture among all human beings.  Ergo Zen Clothing is clothing that works for the individual wearing it and not for the crowd…  Ergo Zen is EZwear

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About This Look

This comfortable yet stylish harem jumpsuit is cut from premium blended cotton.  It is available in a beautiful rust colour perfect for Autumn.  I’ve paired it with nude lace up heels, an oatmeal clutch and a string choker.

Harem Jumpsuit by Ergo Zen, The Space Baywest, R995.

Lace up Gladiators by Kitibella, R595.

Clutch by New Look, R349.

Swarovski crystal stud earrings by Jenni Gault International, R550.

Stay stylish.

Love

Nadine

Over The Knee

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With the recent chilly, wet days we’ve had I thought I’d feature these stunning over the knee boots. They’re a versatile wardrobe item and can be worn with a short dress, long wrap dress, skinny jeans or leggings and even shorts. Nothing tops off a fall outfit quite like a sexy pair of over-the-knee boots to keep you warm and on-trend all in one go!

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Boots by Kitibella: Faux suede Over-the-knee boots

Leather dress, Zara (2016) but I also love these options:

Button/collar leather dress/tunic

Black leather mini dress

Choker: Check out our Choker Edit on this blog.

Wristwear by Lovisa, Walmer Park.

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Local Flair

This past weekend I hosted my very first Kitibella Pop-up Boutique and it was a great success. I thought I’d share some details regarding my look with you.

The Skirt

During my Christmas shopping I stopped by The Space in Baywest Mall and fell inlove with this skirt by local designer Liz Ogumbo the moment I laid eyes on it. It’s such an easy wear and the soft vintage floral is unlike any print I’ve seen before. It reminded me of a painting, I just had to indulge. The Space is a boutique selling garments from South African designers only and their range is absolutely beautiful.  They’re currently having a sale of up to 30% off so get down there! 😉

The Bodysuit

So while I was in The Space I bumped into Nozuko, the designer at Ergo Zen. I recognized her from her collection at the recent Nelson Mandela Bay Fashion Week. Ofcourse I had to introduce myself, but was surprised when she called me on my name! I mentioned to her that I needed a bodysuit for the skirt and she agreed to make one for me 🙂 Ergo Zen was voted the best designer by the judges at the NMBFW and their organic cotton range can be purchased from The Space as well. She also does couture and can be contacted directly.

Skirt: thespace.co.za

Bodysuit: facebook.com/ErgoZen

Choker: Forever New

Earrings: Jenni Gault

10 Things to Throw Away!

It’s the start of a new year and what better time to do a decent closet cleanup. Don’t go through the year hoarding last year’s junk. Here are 10 things to get rid of before the end of January.

1.Worn out Shoes

Let’s start with the biggest one. It’s time to clean up your shoe closet.  If you’ve done 500-800km on those running shoes, your flip flop straps are torn and the nail of your high heels start poking through then it’s time to replace them.  If your shoes are very expensive, resole or reheel them at the local shoe repair shop.  Gently worn shoes can also be donated to charity.

2.  Unmatched Earrings

I don’t know why we keep them, seriously lol.  Unless you’re into the asymmetrical, unmatched earring trend, then it’s time to toss them out.

3.  Clothes that just don’t work

I can understand the need to keep the tight or vintage stuff, it might come in handy again.  But the clothes that just doesn’t compliment your shape, donate donate donate!  You might lose the weight yes but your body shape will never change.  Rather invest in the trends that accentuates your best features and get rid of those that doesn’t.

4.  Promo T-shirts

I often keep promo and old baggy t-shirts for those spring cleaning or lazy couch days.  But here’s the thing:  We don’t need so many of them.  Honestly, 1 will probably do.

5.  Faulty Electronics

If you haven’t fixed that broken toaster or hairdryer for a year, chuck it out!  It’s just taking up space and buying a new one will probably cost you less than a repair anyway.

6.  All Things Expired

Expired store vouchers, beauty products, meds, make-up, hair products, you name it, we keep it!  But it’s time to throw them away.

7.  Worn out underwear

I don’t like throwing my worn out bras in the bin, simply because I’m afraid someone might see it in there lol.  The alternative is worst, keeping them.  They gots to go!

8.  Old Magazines / Scrap wrapping paper

Unless you have kids who need the pictures inside for their school projects, then it’s time to chuck them in the nearest paper recycle bin.  And let’s be honest, how many magazines do they need for projects anyway? Keep in mind the number of magazines that you’ll still be buying within the next 6 months.  And the used gift wrap?  You know you’re going to buy a gift bag anyway, so why hold on to it? Lol

9.  Music we never listen to

Not outdated music.  I’m referring to the ones we just don’t enjoy and never will.  Instead of keeping a cupboard of CDs, you may want to give them to people who are actually into that kind of music.  Hopefully, they won’t play them when you go to visit. Lol

10.  Store Receipts

This is probably my biggest problem.  I have a purse full of ATM withdrawal and store receipts and a hand-full in every bag I own.  I keep receipts in case I need to return my items and end up never throwing them away.

Now, congratulations on all the new space you’ve created in your closet. Feels great doesn’t it?

Till next time…

Nadine

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