This one’s for the guys…

It’s no secret that women are viewed as the more “complicated” sex and that over 2000 years later, men are still battling to “figure us out”.  For some time now I wanted to write a post that would help men understand us better.  I started out by sending a broadcast message asking ladies to name the top 2 things they felt would significantly improve their relationship.  As I suspected, the responses were quite similar and proved that we’re really not that complicated after all.  And so gents, I summarized the results in only 8 simple points:

1. Spend time with her

Many men confuse sharing space with spending quality time.  Quality time is the time set aside for paying full and undivided attention to her.  Whether you’re just sitting on a bench talking or out on a dinner date, it’s only quality time when you’re fully present in the moment without distractions.  So it may be a good idea to ignore your cell phone during that time.  About a month after my husband and I started dating I decided to end the relationship.  When he asked me why, I simply said we don’t spend enough time together. This took him by surprise because we saw each other quite regularly.  You see, she needs to feel a connection that only develops when you spend quality time alone with her. Tip: 30 minutes of being fully present in conversation beats the 30 roses you bring home from work by a long shot. Of all the things you could give her, your time outweighs them all.

2. Affirm her

Whether she’ll admit it or not, she cares a lot about what you think.  She can catch the attention of a thousand friends or strangers with that sexy new haircut or get 500 likes on her new facebook profile picture but nothing compares to an honest compliment from the one she loves.  10 brownie points for public displays of affirmation.  If you knew what your affirmation does to her confidence, you would do it every day.

3.  Don’t spy

Nothing spells “RED TAPE” more than a jealous man.  I’ve seen beautiful relationships destroyed as a result.  I can just imagine how exhausting it would be to be married to a man who constantly questions your fidelity.  Distrust, whether it’s deserved or not, will ruin a relationship faster than it takes for your woman to even consider cheating on you.  Your jealousy and insecurity is NOT cool and you’re not ready for the long term consequences.

4.  Support her

Do you know what she wants out of life?  What is important to her?  She is not just a wife, mother, cook, taxi driver and nurse at 2am when the kids catch a fever.  Every woman has dreams, aspirations and goals.  A definition of success for her life.  Some are small and others so big it may even scare you.  In todays world there are more women who earns more and/or are more educated than their partners.  Do not let this intimidate you.  She may not need you to make the dream come true for her but she most certainly needs your support.  Motivate her.  Cheer her on.  Help when you’re able to.  Understand that you are a team and chances are that you have a skill that she needs to get her to the next level.  Perhaps you’re better at research or budgeting or working with tools than she is.  Again, you are a team and if one wins then both win.  If one team member falls then the best way to finish the race is to lift them up and encourage them towards to finish line.

5.  Share the load

Help out around the house.  Cook at least once a week.  Change a diaper.  Whether she’s a 9 to 5’er or stay home mom, life becomes hectic and a woman’s ability to multitask sometimes feels like a curse when we’re stressed about whether school uniforms are clean; that long list of tasks at the office; did we get all the groceries we need; the preparations for that “thing” is weekend; why your eldest was so quiet at dinner or whether the little one had her cough syrup before she went to bed. A hundred million thoughts being flawlessly multitasked in her head…..all while having sex!  Lol.  See why I called it a curse? Jokes aside, life is hectic and all we want is to know that we are not alone in all of it.

6.  Surprise her

Women are often the ones to suggest romantic getaways, family outings, date nights and we take it upon ourselves to plan it, budget for it and execute it.  It would mean so much to her if you surprised her by taking on that role once in a while.  And an occasional surprise gift would be great which leads us to the next point…

7.  Shoes!

More specifically, Kitibella Shoes!  Lol just kidding.  Shoes are my thing and also many other women I know.  But every woman has something she enjoys spoiling herself with as a reward after a tough day, week or month.  For some it’s perfume, flowers, a new hairdo, chocolates, a spa treatment, a new dress or even a book.  If you don’t know what it is, find out!  If it’s something you cannot afford this month then plan ahead for it and make sure that when the time comes, you actually follow through.

8.  Intimacy

Intimacy is not a synonym for intercourse. This is where men sometimes miss it. Women generally experience intimacy as they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings. Intimacy is normally a result of quality time. Great intimacy sets the foundation for a great sexual relationship. And the frequency of the 2 is often related. Yes I said it. If your wife isn’t too eager to have sex check the level of intimacy in your relationship. Also keep in mind my previous point about how easily we are distracted and how our minds work overtime when we’re swamped with chores. So trust me when I say there’s a magical question that can take your sex life up a notch, you know…take you to the promised land….Just 1. As simple as that! Are you ready for it? Just 1 question to ask when you wake up in the morning and get home from work: “Honey, what can I help you with?” 🙂

Ladies, if you’re still reading:

Don’t:

  • Disrespect him, especially in public
  • Make him choose between a day at the mall with you or watching the game…Helluur?
  • Expect him to read your mind.  Just say what you want
  • Nag him to talk about his feelings
  • Nag. Period.  It’s just a toilet seat, let it go.
  • Be jealous and controlling
  • Wear clothes you know are just inappropriate.  Not sure?  Ask.
  • Try to change him
  • Compare him to another man

Marriage is beautiful, if we’re not busy suffocating each other 🙂  Communicate at all times.  Forgive more and don’t be too proud to admit when you’re wrong.  If we commit daily to focus more on the positive qualities in each other we would find new reasons to fall in love all over again.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your thoughts below.

Till next time

Nadine

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